anonymity

I seem to have forgotten about this blog completely..

College is such a stress right now, I have 3 different deadlines currently and I'm seeing myself failing at least two of them. I can't cope with this!

I'm cryptic apparently, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. So here goes.

1. I miss you and I don't know why. I don't even have a reason to, we give each other nothing. I keep thinking about you.

2. We've became closer than I ever thought we would and I know that there's room for even more. I'm really happy I met you.

3. Having thought things over, you should not expect much from me just as I learned not to from you and I am hoping that it'll die out.

4. It's quite strange how this turned out. We're completely seperate people and I guess I'm okay with that.

5. I'm kind of afraid that I am annoying you and I don't want to seem to like the other guy, even though it's for completely different reasons obviously. Apologies.

6. I know we agreed on something together but it hurt me the way you put your point across, I'm glad any way that separation is what is going ahead.

7. I'm scared because you do too much for me and I'm not going to be able to find my feet.

No one reads this anyway, I could easily just write in those seven names and it wouldn't make a blind bit of difference, ha.

I'm photographing my friend tomorrow and then meeting another for coffee and a good catch up afterwards.

I'm excited.

xo

fire escape symphony

clever lad ross..

kaleidoscope

Some photos of me in college with Juta.

i and love and you

So saving my money was going lovely. I've managed to hold a tenner back all week which was not too shabby for me and now tonight I'm going to blow it and go out.. To be honest, I haven't been into town on a night out in about two weeks which is good for me and so I'm saying "Fuck it!" So I have a bottle of cava, a litre of Asda smart price cider and a tenner.. Oh how far I'll get.

This photo was taken today in college, it was for my flyer I was doing but I ended up going with another image instead even though I like this image so I added it here. I like the colours in it. I seriously think I have a fetish with neutral coloured clothing by the way, because lately that is all I wear. Grey, white, black. I'm liking the change.

I really need some new music to download..

- xo -

i want your psycho

I'd like this please? Pity the price tag is £2,690. Wishes aside though, I do need a new camera desperately but it looks like I'm waiting until Christmas for a digital SLR to come my way seeing as the shitty little job I got presents me with £35 a week. I'm going to start looking for something permanent with more hours and higher pay because I honestly can not live off of that.

Something I did yesterday was buy The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins which I saw in a charity shop and had to get because it was only £1.40 and I had heard really good things about it. Well it's so good that I'm already half way through it and I'll be moving on to the sequel (Catching Fire) as fast as I can. I got given an Amazon voucher for my birthday so I could use that!

Unrelated completely but I kind of feel like I want a relationship. I want to butterflies and the sparks. I like feeling safe.

I'm so hungry I could die, goodnight.

- xo -

tik tok

I don't have a picture for this entry simply because I can't be arsed finding one and I don't want to put another one up of myself. Not that anyone reads this anyway?

I've drank far too much alcohol this week so I'm going to try and not go out this week, no matter how much I'm asked.. I'll let you know how that goes. I'm not very confident about it.

Anyway, that's not the reason I wanted to write this; lately I've been having a good time but occasionally when I see things written by someone it's been getting me down. It's not like it's been written to me, or about me, or with any intention to hurt me. I wasn't even in mind when it was written I can tell you that for a fact. It's just that they are keeping bonds with the people I miss and it gets me down. Whenever I see people, I'm either too shy to say anything or too drunk to not manage avoiding making a complete wanker out of myself. Maybe I'm just holding onto the past too much and being ridiculously sentimental? Who knows?

Ps. I've done no college work over the weeks holidays I had and I really need to learn to save money instead of impulsively buying things whenever I have a little bit of cash in my wallet.

I'm away to watch True Blood online now, night

- xo -

one eighty

So this has been a while to say the least. I have been at college a while now and it's good, I have mates there and I'm enjoying the course even if it is a bit tough, but that's not what I'm here to talk about.

I had a sudden meet up with a friend today who could not stop talking about this guy that she's started meeting up with and I was really happy for her because it's about time that she had someone good for her in her life but it got me thinking when I came home. I kinda want to have that. Someone who you can talk to for hours and hours or just lay there with and not talk at all. I have to admit - I'm a little jealous of her! I'm not going to sit and mope about it though because that will not get anything done. I guess I just have to wait until I find someone. There have been recent instances when such things have appeared to start happening to me but there always seems to be something that doesn't go right and I'm getting a little tired of false alarms. I want something that I'm not afraid of and someone I can't wait to see. I suppose I'm going to have to keep my fingers crossed that something comes along soon.

I just have no idea where this "something" will come from because at college I have my class and things but no one talks outside of that so I'm ruling that out. I have my friends and they have theirs but I can't see a blind date scenario popping up from anywhere so that is out of the picture and I never meet anyone on a night out because I'm to sober to stomach tipsy conversation or I'm too drunk to form words so I really do have no options but I'll see what comes and hope for the best.

This probably sounds really desperate so I'm going to bed now. Night

- xo -