so untouched

So today I had to do duties for school and help out at the careers convention, serving people tea, coffee and biscuits. It was alright and me and Thomas ended up making espressos and lots of coffee, I'm far too awake and I bet you I won't sleep tonight either. I got some information about college as well so it was a good night. I watched Skins as well which I thought was one of the best episodes so far.

This weekend should be good, Friday I'm meeting one of my friends that I haven't seen in what feels like forever for drinks and then Saturday I'm in town for a little bit and then I'm going to a party with mates from school. Sunday I'm in town again meeting another friend that I haven't seen in quite a while. I really can't wait. I need to get druuuunk! A break.

- XO -

breathe in

Today hasn't really been my day, I was late to school, I was late back after lunch, I'm falling behind in Art, I had arguments with my parents', I had to clean my ENTIRE room, I had do do tonnes of revision, I fell asleep during revision and I'm feeling crap.

I really have to go to the doctor's and get a gumshield because I grind my teeth in my sleep, apparantly really badly, and seeing as I like my teeth and want to keep them all lovely then I'm going to have to go get a gumshield.

The other night I did have the best fag of my life, it was the night before the first day back ay school and it was three in the morning, I was still awake stressing about everything. I really needed a fag so I went through all these old fag packets in my room, and shoock them, I went through about a hundred packets and none had any little half fags in them or anything, and then I picked up this packet on my desk - last resort, and I shake it and I hear something, I open the packet and there was a full fag in it. I was on my knees thanking God, no joke. It was the best fag I ever had. (L)

-XO -

nostalglatopia

I posted a "memories" blog on Facebook and all my friends are telling me all of these old times they remember and it's making me miss the past couple of years so badly, especially 2007. That was when the picture above was taken. I'm the on being straddled haha. We honestly did this every day of summer. We'd go uptown, buy loads of bottles of cherry lambrini from "Newsagent" and lie in the meadows in town and just drink, laugh and not even care. It was the best time of my life and I know nothing will ever be the same again, the worst thing is that never cherished it enough when I had it, because I know that it'll never happen again, as much as we all thought that it would the next again summer. It was extremely different. I miss everyone, all the private jokes, every single day, the same yet different. I honestly want to cry because I miss it so much. Things will never be so good. I honestly know that.

" i know this pretty rave girl"

I'd give so much for just ONE day of that again. :'(

- XO -

fix up, look sharp

I really need to knuckle down at school and college, and also at getting a job because the way things are going for me, I'm going to be in a gutter by the time I'm 20 haa. I'm going to apply for college tonight and hopefully get in if the course isn't full like it probably is cause I've left it late. I'm an idiot. I really want to go and do professional photography, it's an HND course and it's 2 years and it'll get me into my second year at uni so I'm really hoping I get accepted. I just need to build a portfolio, which I'm hoping to start this weekend and I could maybe chuck in a couple of photos of myself under 'self portraits' lmao.

So I've been dropped from English so I can concentrate more on my Media course and I'll hopefully pass it if I put in more effort and revise a lot more. I'm going to have to do a lot more for Art as well cause my exam is in 2 weeks and it'll be the final piece for this unit and I'm so nervous for it!

I'm going to print out my CV for the weekend as well and go and hand out a load of CVs to places and hopefully get some interviews because last time I handed out loads I didn;t realise my birthdate said I was fifty-six haha, and no wonder I didn't get any interviews. It's so annoying right now with the credit crunch and everything, literally nowhere is hiring people, mostly fireing so I'm a but fucked for that to be honest. It won't stop me from trying though. I'm going to try everywhere, I honestly need this so much.

My mate is coming round later for a wee visit so that'll give me a break from my work for a little bit. I have a story to tell you about last night but I'll write it in anoher post, I like keeping them to just one topic, or at least tring to!

- XO -

distortion

Stop acting so damn weird with me!





,

hand in hand camera's rolling forever

So tonight people are coming round to my house to film some things for our media class, we're filming a gangster movie. It's really fun. Tonight we're going to be killing a few people, snorting cocaine and shooting one of my friends as a hooker! So it should be a fun evening and take my mind of a few things :). I really have to go and get showered cause to be quite honest, I stink! Ha.

I've cheered up a little but I still want to get away. Whenever I think of going to Bristol it makes me happier and wanting to go on and get everything done with. Exams. School. Problems with mates. Parents. Money. I'll do it as long as I get away. Believe it or not, this is a positive outlook, even if it doesn't sound it

- XO -

out of focus

So today, I wake up at 3.30pm and all I get is screaming and abuse basically. I'm so annoyed I really need to go somewhere right now just to cool off because I am honestly livid at the moment. I have no money for fags because someone has taken my £5 and that is just what I need right now, I want my headphones on, whilst the world fucks off and i can relax for 5 minutes.

I hope Bristol comes fast cause I really don't want to be stuck here much longer if I'm honest. I'm always in the wrong, or doing something I shouldn't be and I'm so sick and tired of it. Everything is my fault and I'm put under so much pressure, no wonder I burst from time to time.

This blog is so miserable :| but a blog is for your feelings right? so I may as well post them.

" broken wings have a home tonight,

no one is listening."

I just hope that something happens soon to change things and move them away for the direction they're headed in cause I really don't like feeling like this. To make matters better, I'm back to 6th year tomorrow, I just can't be bothered right now.

- XO -

weekends are for the warriors

So the dates have been set for me going down to Bristol this summer and I'm far too excited about going again! I'm going see everyone down there again. I'm going for sixteen days and I'm completely over the moon about it. This is a photo of last summer when I went down and it was taken at my friend's 17th. This year I'm back down for her 18th and I can't wait! I'm arriving on the day of it so I'm proper excited. I'm going to arrange lots of things before I go down becuase my friend that I'm staying with is going to take time of work and they'll hopefully be driving by then so we're going to go on day trips to places and it'll be awesome. Whenever I go there it just gives me a break from my regular life up here and it feels as though I'm a completely different person down there. I really don't think people understand just how much I love the city. So many photo's are going to be taken just like they were last time!

I definitely have to meet some new people as well whilst I'm down there so keep July free cause that's when I'm down if you fancy doing anything :D. I love travelling and I love the plane down there, even if it is only an hour long, I just stick in my headphones and look out the window it's amazing. I love flying. I used to be so scared of it when I was younger, I hated take-off and landing, but it's a thrill now, it's just spectacular.

I haven't told anyone about this blog yet and I'm not sure whether I want to or whether I want to keep it quiet for a bit. Oh well, only time will tell.

I'm going to watch Aladdin so I guess that's what's on the agenda tonight when my dad goes to bed and a little bit of One Tree Hill before hand. I just got season 2 back from my friend so I'm re-watching all of it and I forgot how different the old seasons were compared to the new ones. I'm totally thrilled that they have signed the contract to film and 18 episode long season 7. It's my favourite show, love it.

Anyway I've covered too many topics in one post haha, so I'll end it here and go get some food!

- XO -

wash away my sanity

I was just reading a friend's blog and it made me regret a lot of things that happened last year, a lot of them triggered by the one thing that I did. I am not at all proud of things that happened last year and it has severely affected the way my life is now. I wish me and a few people were closer and a I wish I had a lot more people in my life that were the same way inclined (online) as me. That way there would be so many more oppertunities for me to go places and meet people. I am honestly annoyed at a few people for completely stupid reasons that I have thought up in my head. "Why can't she be more like me?" "Why does he always achieve things?" "Where does all of that come from in them?" To be honest I'm just annoyed at people because of what I lack in myself and I honestly have no idea of how to gain any of it. I don't want to be this selfish and timid person anymore because I see what other people have got because they have amazing confidance and people skills that I lack. I feel lonely for reasons I can not put into words. To be honest I doubt any of this made sense. It's time for a change.

- XO -

sweet sedation

It's not like I need another one of these blog sites, I already have too many, and last night I got a twitter but I thought what the hell. Gordon had an account on a site that I never and me being the child that I am now needed this to feel equal. how sad.

I never keep these things up but I may as well give it a go and see how long this one lasts. My guess is less than a month.

I've done absolutely nothing today, just sit about and be lazy. I'm guessing I'll meet up with someone tonight to do something cause I'm going insane and I've only been awake for about four hours, but I did go to bed at 7:30am this morning so whatever. I really want something exciting to happen.

Tomorrow is the last day of the holidays and I really don't want them to end.
Then again, who really does?

- XO -