kaleidoscope

Some photos of me in college with Juta.

i and love and you

So saving my money was going lovely. I've managed to hold a tenner back all week which was not too shabby for me and now tonight I'm going to blow it and go out.. To be honest, I haven't been into town on a night out in about two weeks which is good for me and so I'm saying "Fuck it!" So I have a bottle of cava, a litre of Asda smart price cider and a tenner.. Oh how far I'll get.

This photo was taken today in college, it was for my flyer I was doing but I ended up going with another image instead even though I like this image so I added it here. I like the colours in it. I seriously think I have a fetish with neutral coloured clothing by the way, because lately that is all I wear. Grey, white, black. I'm liking the change.

I really need some new music to download..

- xo -

i want your psycho

I'd like this please? Pity the price tag is £2,690. Wishes aside though, I do need a new camera desperately but it looks like I'm waiting until Christmas for a digital SLR to come my way seeing as the shitty little job I got presents me with £35 a week. I'm going to start looking for something permanent with more hours and higher pay because I honestly can not live off of that.

Something I did yesterday was buy The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins which I saw in a charity shop and had to get because it was only £1.40 and I had heard really good things about it. Well it's so good that I'm already half way through it and I'll be moving on to the sequel (Catching Fire) as fast as I can. I got given an Amazon voucher for my birthday so I could use that!

Unrelated completely but I kind of feel like I want a relationship. I want to butterflies and the sparks. I like feeling safe.

I'm so hungry I could die, goodnight.

- xo -

tik tok

I don't have a picture for this entry simply because I can't be arsed finding one and I don't want to put another one up of myself. Not that anyone reads this anyway?

I've drank far too much alcohol this week so I'm going to try and not go out this week, no matter how much I'm asked.. I'll let you know how that goes. I'm not very confident about it.

Anyway, that's not the reason I wanted to write this; lately I've been having a good time but occasionally when I see things written by someone it's been getting me down. It's not like it's been written to me, or about me, or with any intention to hurt me. I wasn't even in mind when it was written I can tell you that for a fact. It's just that they are keeping bonds with the people I miss and it gets me down. Whenever I see people, I'm either too shy to say anything or too drunk to not manage avoiding making a complete wanker out of myself. Maybe I'm just holding onto the past too much and being ridiculously sentimental? Who knows?

Ps. I've done no college work over the weeks holidays I had and I really need to learn to save money instead of impulsively buying things whenever I have a little bit of cash in my wallet.

I'm away to watch True Blood online now, night

- xo -

one eighty

So this has been a while to say the least. I have been at college a while now and it's good, I have mates there and I'm enjoying the course even if it is a bit tough, but that's not what I'm here to talk about.

I had a sudden meet up with a friend today who could not stop talking about this guy that she's started meeting up with and I was really happy for her because it's about time that she had someone good for her in her life but it got me thinking when I came home. I kinda want to have that. Someone who you can talk to for hours and hours or just lay there with and not talk at all. I have to admit - I'm a little jealous of her! I'm not going to sit and mope about it though because that will not get anything done. I guess I just have to wait until I find someone. There have been recent instances when such things have appeared to start happening to me but there always seems to be something that doesn't go right and I'm getting a little tired of false alarms. I want something that I'm not afraid of and someone I can't wait to see. I suppose I'm going to have to keep my fingers crossed that something comes along soon.

I just have no idea where this "something" will come from because at college I have my class and things but no one talks outside of that so I'm ruling that out. I have my friends and they have theirs but I can't see a blind date scenario popping up from anywhere so that is out of the picture and I never meet anyone on a night out because I'm to sober to stomach tipsy conversation or I'm too drunk to form words so I really do have no options but I'll see what comes and hope for the best.

This probably sounds really desperate so I'm going to bed now. Night

- xo -

bubbly

it starts in my toes

and I crinkle my nose

where ever it goes I always know

that you make me smile

please stay for a while now

just take your time

where ever you go.

popular

I'm so happy that all my exams are done and that everything is practically over. I was sad about it at first but now I'm just looking forward to college and more importantly, the summer! I've been out in the sun for the last three days and I'm honestly knackered, I can't keep my eyes open just now. I'm getting a gradual tan thank god! Today I did some jobs for Sarah's gran for a bottle of vodka which was alright then went down the beach and had a wee sunbathe, it was good. I love living so close to the beach it's amazing. Tomorrow I'm getting up really early and we're going to go catch the rays. Me and Sarah are determined to get a tan, and she is also going away to Bulgaria which is clearly cheating but I'll jsut make sure I'm down the beach everyday haha. I have to do some criticals tonight for Art and then that is it over with forever and I'm so happy. Since school ended, Sarah and I have been getting so much closer it's insane, I haven't went a day without seeing her since last Sunday which is crazy! It's nice though, I'm glad. I really need to write in this more. gaah.

- XBAIX -

zombiezombie

Hiya massive time gap between this blog and the last one, but to be fair nothing much has really happened other than me leaving school. Yeah, it was a really good day and I enjoyed it a lot. I was welling up with people speeches they made in school but never cried. Then that night everyone was going down the beach to celebrate and get very drunk "Last Hoorah" - lulz. And I cried there. It was an amazing way to end things and I couldn't have asked for a better "goodbye". It wasn't actually a goodbye becasue tonight and last night there are and were 18th's. I was sober last night because I wasn't actually planning on going until I got urgent texts telling me to get here and so I went. I walked home which to be brutally honest was better thatn the party but I was very sober and I'm shy so obviously put me is a crap position. Tonight though I plan on getting too drunk for words and being an absolute scene. I'm getting a 70cl of vodka in a minute after my dinner and then heading up to my friends house where a bunch of us are meeting to drink lots before we go out. I'm looking forward to it. I have four months of doing absolutely nothing now which I am very pleased with but I'll need to get a job so I can start funding myself instead of leaning on my mum for everything. That's all really. Dinnertime!

- xo -

you're a zero

Yes, it has been a while and yes I apologise. I'm not giving up on the blog I've just had other things to do and I've also been a bit too lazy to bother writing anything the merits a read. Here we go then!

This last week I've barely been at school because on Monday I had my college interview for Telford and.. I GOT IN! I'm so excited. I'm doing and HNC in photography and it was souly your portfolio alone and she offered me a place within the first two minutes of my interview! I'm really pleased. I still have to apply for bursary and things and I'll do that next week because this morning I got the form sent in the post. I went and met one of my friends I hadn't seen in around a month and had a good time. I was in school on Tuesday and Wednesday but on the Wednesday night I had my prom. Our school is strange because prom isn't the massive deal with everyone dressing up really fancy and renting / buying amazing clothes to go in. For some reason our school calls that "Leavers" and prom is just a big party in our school which is themed on what we choose. Ours was themed Hollywood and Vegas and it was pretty amazing. I took the photo above before going to prom. I had put semi-perminant pink in my hair because I felt like it, but it has mostly washed out now. Anyway, I ended up getting very drunk and then went out after to a few clubs but me and my mate got chucked out because we broke a glass. Ugh. I wasn't in school the next day because I decided to stay at someone else's house and woke up at 10am and thought 'fuck it!'

That night I started feeling really ill and so I wasn't in on Friday either but gradually felt better throughout the day and at night I was well enough to go for a family meal for my dad's birthday which was really nice. I haven't seen my niece in ages and she's is so grown up! It was quite unreal. 

On the monday night I also got some infornmation that shook me up a bit and I'm still not entirely sure what to do about it. My friend from Bristol, Gemma that I'm staying with in summer told me that on the first week I come down her parents have booked a holiday for the whole family to go on for a week. This means if I were to go down I would essentially be homeless. I have no other plans to stay with people and so I have no idea what to do. If anyone can come up with some suggestions that I'm all ears. 

- xo -

give me an 'A' for

audacity.

i will post something real here soon.

consequence - lush

So today was my first day back at school since my fifteen day break and it was alright for a first day to be honest. I was there on time for a change, two hours free right after regi which i used to have a fag break with Daisy and catch up on everything and it made me really happy because I'd missed it; filling out a job application for a shop in town; and having general chat. I enjoyed it. I made progress in art and finished a new drawing that I had decided to go for which I was pleased with. I only have a one hour lunch on a Tuesday but I went and got a curry which was lovely. I was going to buy something from Greggs but I resisted, well done me! So now I have a pound extra. Not much but I owe people money so it'll help towards that. I also discovered today that I actually like Yumyums from Greggs. My friend made me try a bit of hers after hearing me protest about them and they're really nice! So I'll be buying them in future. PD (Personal Development) is such a pointless class because we trail up to the 7th floor of our school (we have eight floors) and then watch a fifteen minute video on something we couldn't care less about to then be sent home. Pointless! Tonight I have to do lots of revision because I have a Media Studies exam tomorrow, it's the Unseen Analysis part. I'm so bad at it that it is unreal. So I'm preparing to fail. Someone has been saying certain things and I think they are aimed at me which is quite cute and surprising if it is, but crap when taking some things into consideration. Mind you, I always think that things people sa are about me, not because I'm full of myself but because I'm a really paranoid person which is rubbish. Anyway, yes here's hoping ;). I only have two cigarettes left and no money cause I owe people £££ - unfortunate. 

- xo -

meanthoughts,cheapshots

Okay so I seem to have neglected this just a bit recently so here is a mega post of the things I've been getting up to. The photo above is of me and Freya before going to my friends 18th with is what the wrist bands are for and for some reason I'm still wearing mine which I do all the time. I like seeing how long it will last, even if it is dirty and fading from showering. It's a bit stupid but whatever. The night was good even if I did have far to much to drink before I got there and spent most of the night outside talking to people I barely knew. I enjoyed myself though and I guess that's the main thing. There were literally over a hundred photos with Freya extremely similar to the one above because we kept not liking them haha. But yeah, that was the 10th April!

This is me this night after at another 18th and we both have red lights in out face. I wasn't drinking that night due to a hangover and lack of money. I got a beer from the bar and that was about it. The time was mostly spent either dancing to whatever music came on or out on the balcony smoking. I was more inclined to go with the latter because one beer does not have nearly enough, if any, effect on me to make me confidant enough to dance infront of around two hundered people. The night was pretty good and a bunch of us decided we'd walk home. It took two hours and I got in at around quarter to three. We went to asda and bought a massive munch. Mine included pasta, Oasis and a multipack of Asda Smart Price crisps that only cost fifty pence. Yes, I'm cheap! I had to throw the salt and vinegar ones away because they only tasted like vinegar and were pretty vulgar. Other than the vinegar crisps my night was pretty ace.

I've also been camping! Yes I went for four days to Loch Tay and camped there with a group of ten of us. It was really good and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Above is a picture of me looking a bit rough walking to Killin, the closest town to the campsite to get some food. We all walked four miles which too an absolute age! Everyone kept stopping and that pretty much took up the best part of the second day. We walked all the wak to this town to go specifically to the pie shop and when we got there it was just closing! We were so annoyed but we went to Co-op and bought stuff. I got Cheesey Macaroni and milk. I made it when I got back and it was stunning. As you can imagine we brought a lot of alcohol and drank it all. I was pretty drunk every night and it was really good. The drunken nights included multiple drinking games, truths being spilled, full frontal nudity, lots of laughter and a few arguments which led to a few apologies and embarressed laughs the morning after. We lost power for a whole day (because there was a kitchen at the campsite with an oven, a cooker and a fridge and things for food to be kept) and nobody could eat anything apart from cold canned soup and beans. We managed to bide our time with naps and adventures in the woods which was good. I grew to know a few people I had barely said two words to throughout my whole six years of high school as well which was nice. The camping trip was really good and I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

Today I've been on the beach with various different people. I was first of all with one of my friends who was helping me take photos for my college portfolio which I'm still in the process of editing to upload to my Deviantart but there are a few up there already. It was really good and pretty productive for me because I'm usually a lazy bastard and sit in my house all day hunched over a laptop or drinking myself to death with my friends. So it felt good to have progressed towards something academic for once rather than throw it away which has now become the norm for me. I went home and had my dinner and then got a text telling me to come out to the beach because a bunch of my mates were down and because I live twenty seconds away from the beach I went down in the sunny sunny weather and met them and above is a badly aimed photo I took of me with Caitlin. It was pretty good then we went back to mine and mucked about on my trampoline for a while. Once they went home I got a few photos edited, watch Family Guy on BBC3 and talked with a few friends. Glad I'm getting to know certain people a bit more, and I'm really glad for social networking sites because yes, I do have a lot of friends on Myspace and yes sometimes it is a pain when I don't reply or comment your picture back and people get a back pinion of me but necause of the internet I have met a fuck load of people and travelled a few places and had holidays there that I neevr would have had without the friend count. I've also made friends all over the place because of it and I'm happy with it so don't just take one look at my friend count and judge me or consider me to be an arrogant twat because I'm not and if you got to know me or trusted the things I wrote in my about me then you would soon see that you were wrong. Yes I am sorry that a lot of the time I'm really too lazy to comment you back but people with only a couple of hundred friends do that as well so please don't bother me with negative messages and comments because it won't make me change to be honest. I really didn't mean for that to turn into a huge rant about Myspace so sorry for getting sidetracked into an aggrovated ramble. anyway it's 4am and I'm pretty tired. Tomorrow I'm doing more photos for college, this time with Freya and I'm looking forward to it. I'm still undecided if I'll post them anywhere other than my Deviantart but oh well. Goodnight.

- xo -

bedroom eyes

So I got my hair cut and it's shorter than I planned but I'm really pleased with it! I really like this picture but it's cause of my eyes and not my hair so I'll probably upload a nicer one somewhere at some point. I'm dead happy with it :D

I'm planning on dying it soon as well to get a totally new look and I'm thinking I'm going to bleach it or go very light blonde and then put a black streak in it or something. I'm excited for it so if anyone reads this then comment and tell me what you think. I really have to dye it because it's been a year since I last dyed it and I want a totally new look cause I'm bored of what it is just now.

Tonight I have my friends 18th  so that should be good. I'll get to see everyone's reactions and everything and I'll be looking nice (: 

Today is a good day, and even if it's supposed to rain later, We had sun so far and it's not going to dampen my spitits. I'm looking forward to this weekend 

- xo -

dirty ice cream

Two posts in one day, woah!

I've cheered up a little now and I'm waiting on a phone back from someone telling me whether they're taking me on a drive or not. I'm hoping it's a yes but I'm not very positive right now. I'd be lovely just to drive anywhere with the music playing and clear my head. Right into the night please :). If not tonight then it'll be this weekend we agreed.
I've been feeling ill for the past three days and thankfully today it seems to be wearing off a little which I'm pleased about and I can finally stop getting excruciating pains in my stomach for no reason at random intervals during the day that make me double over in exasperation. It's horrible but hopefully with a bit of luck, over!
I've just been informed I have 2 parties, one tomorrow night and the next the night after! I'm very happy now and I'm thanking god for the break I'm getting from my mum's constant moaning! She honestly does not stop. Can she not accept that this is my holiday and no matter how much she moans I will go at my own pace? Apparantly not. Hmph!

"i know you know that i know you know me"

- xo -

too much mess, stress

Last night I was told a load of us were going to the meadows and we were going to get drunk and have a laugh, and I wasn't going to go at first because of an argument with one of my friends but then another convinced me to come and then I was really looking forward to coming but my mum just turned around to me and told me I was getting no money to go out. I would get bus fairs to go to town and that was it. I'm sorry but this is me without money for the 4th day in a row, and it'll be the second with no physical interaction with any one of my friends. I'm going fucking insane. I don't care about college. I don't care about photography. I don't care what you have to say. I need money and I need to relax. PLEASE.

On another dull note; I was supposed to get my hair cut today but I went up and the hairdresser told me they had no free places available (I never book my appointments) but they could squeeze me in tomorrow so I'm going tomorrow morning and knowing my current luck it'll turn out awful and I won't be going outside for another week (that's if I'm even allowed out). I just don't give two fucks about anything but my friends right now. Do not restrain me because I won't listen to you. I know for a fact already that I will do NOTHING today.

FUCK OFF.

- xo -

vanity

So today I went to town and got a load of photos which will hopefully go towards my portfolio for college, well some of them. It's been a long lonely day but it's been nice for some time to myself. It feels strange going around on your own with a camera. I feel like everyone is looking at me and thinking I'm spying on people or something, it's awkward.

The photo above is of the babycakes sunglasses that were laughed this morning and I really want them. They are £25 but you get a shirt with them as well so it's not too bad. I want the yellow ones I think. I'm really looking forward to summer because it means new clothes and new memories and hopefully a new attitude. A lot of things have pissed me off recently but something about summer usually tells all the bad moods to subdue themselves, a little anyway. So I'm excited for the sunglasses.
I'm getting my hair cut soon - tomorrow if things go well and I couldn't be happier. I haven't had it cut since around this time last year and It's bad. The last time I dyed it was July and my roots are practically my whole head. I'm going blonde soon and I'm getting it done by the hair dresser because I'm pretty sure it'll ginger if I do it myself.
I downloaded tonnes of Lady GaGa today, her old stuff and I can't stop listening to them they are so good.


- xo -

what made you think?

I was supposed to be going uptown today to get some photography done and seeing as I've never gone uptown alone and done this sort of thing before I really wanted someone to come with me. No one is free. I'm feeling pretty bad because last night wasn't too great and I think I may have pissed a lot of people off by not being in the best of moods but to be fair, I was feeling ill and I hate guitar hero but not to worry. No one is saying they're annoyed at me so I'm fine for now. I really want a friend to go up with because It'd help me feel like less of a creep carrying about a tripod and a camera everywhere. Oh well. Let's hope tomorrow's better

- xo -

it's only life

So lately my life has been filled with parties, photos and friends which I find to be a pretty great mixture. Loads of people I know are turning 18 and I just keep getting invited to parties so it's a pretty good time for me right now. Tonight one of my friends is having us round to his for a "Shots and cocktails" night with I am thoroughly looking forward to. We've just got back from Asda with an absolute load of drink and mixers so tonight will be amazing. I'm so used to getting alcohol, meeting up with a couple of friends to get drunk before a parties then phoning a taxi and driving to various different parts of town to get even more trashed and on one occasion, thrown out (which I was not best pleased about but there you go). But tonight there's no mad dash at 10pm to bundle into a taxi and hit town, there's just a relaxed atmosphere with loads of really great friends having drinks. It's been so long since it happened that it's actually feeling very new to me again which is sad but nice.
I'm trying to (as much as this sounds sad, cheesy and cliché) cherish the moments I have left with the people I've grown up with for the most part of my life because I'm not living in some fantasy world where we are all going to be friends still when we're thirty and we're all finishing school and going of to lots of different colleges and universitys, meeting new people, forming new friendships and relationships and forgetting what we once knew as the norm. Yes, it is sad to think about but why revel in what's to come when yuo can take advantage of what is still at your fingertips.


Ps; Yes I am aware that it has been over a month since I have written in this so sorry if anyone actually reads this

- xo -

so untouched

So today I had to do duties for school and help out at the careers convention, serving people tea, coffee and biscuits. It was alright and me and Thomas ended up making espressos and lots of coffee, I'm far too awake and I bet you I won't sleep tonight either. I got some information about college as well so it was a good night. I watched Skins as well which I thought was one of the best episodes so far.

This weekend should be good, Friday I'm meeting one of my friends that I haven't seen in what feels like forever for drinks and then Saturday I'm in town for a little bit and then I'm going to a party with mates from school. Sunday I'm in town again meeting another friend that I haven't seen in quite a while. I really can't wait. I need to get druuuunk! A break.

- XO -

breathe in

Today hasn't really been my day, I was late to school, I was late back after lunch, I'm falling behind in Art, I had arguments with my parents', I had to clean my ENTIRE room, I had do do tonnes of revision, I fell asleep during revision and I'm feeling crap.

I really have to go to the doctor's and get a gumshield because I grind my teeth in my sleep, apparantly really badly, and seeing as I like my teeth and want to keep them all lovely then I'm going to have to go get a gumshield.

The other night I did have the best fag of my life, it was the night before the first day back ay school and it was three in the morning, I was still awake stressing about everything. I really needed a fag so I went through all these old fag packets in my room, and shoock them, I went through about a hundred packets and none had any little half fags in them or anything, and then I picked up this packet on my desk - last resort, and I shake it and I hear something, I open the packet and there was a full fag in it. I was on my knees thanking God, no joke. It was the best fag I ever had. (L)

-XO -

nostalglatopia

I posted a "memories" blog on Facebook and all my friends are telling me all of these old times they remember and it's making me miss the past couple of years so badly, especially 2007. That was when the picture above was taken. I'm the on being straddled haha. We honestly did this every day of summer. We'd go uptown, buy loads of bottles of cherry lambrini from "Newsagent" and lie in the meadows in town and just drink, laugh and not even care. It was the best time of my life and I know nothing will ever be the same again, the worst thing is that never cherished it enough when I had it, because I know that it'll never happen again, as much as we all thought that it would the next again summer. It was extremely different. I miss everyone, all the private jokes, every single day, the same yet different. I honestly want to cry because I miss it so much. Things will never be so good. I honestly know that.

" i know this pretty rave girl"

I'd give so much for just ONE day of that again. :'(

- XO -

fix up, look sharp

I really need to knuckle down at school and college, and also at getting a job because the way things are going for me, I'm going to be in a gutter by the time I'm 20 haa. I'm going to apply for college tonight and hopefully get in if the course isn't full like it probably is cause I've left it late. I'm an idiot. I really want to go and do professional photography, it's an HND course and it's 2 years and it'll get me into my second year at uni so I'm really hoping I get accepted. I just need to build a portfolio, which I'm hoping to start this weekend and I could maybe chuck in a couple of photos of myself under 'self portraits' lmao.

So I've been dropped from English so I can concentrate more on my Media course and I'll hopefully pass it if I put in more effort and revise a lot more. I'm going to have to do a lot more for Art as well cause my exam is in 2 weeks and it'll be the final piece for this unit and I'm so nervous for it!

I'm going to print out my CV for the weekend as well and go and hand out a load of CVs to places and hopefully get some interviews because last time I handed out loads I didn;t realise my birthdate said I was fifty-six haha, and no wonder I didn't get any interviews. It's so annoying right now with the credit crunch and everything, literally nowhere is hiring people, mostly fireing so I'm a but fucked for that to be honest. It won't stop me from trying though. I'm going to try everywhere, I honestly need this so much.

My mate is coming round later for a wee visit so that'll give me a break from my work for a little bit. I have a story to tell you about last night but I'll write it in anoher post, I like keeping them to just one topic, or at least tring to!

- XO -

distortion

Stop acting so damn weird with me!





,

hand in hand camera's rolling forever

So tonight people are coming round to my house to film some things for our media class, we're filming a gangster movie. It's really fun. Tonight we're going to be killing a few people, snorting cocaine and shooting one of my friends as a hooker! So it should be a fun evening and take my mind of a few things :). I really have to go and get showered cause to be quite honest, I stink! Ha.

I've cheered up a little but I still want to get away. Whenever I think of going to Bristol it makes me happier and wanting to go on and get everything done with. Exams. School. Problems with mates. Parents. Money. I'll do it as long as I get away. Believe it or not, this is a positive outlook, even if it doesn't sound it

- XO -

out of focus

So today, I wake up at 3.30pm and all I get is screaming and abuse basically. I'm so annoyed I really need to go somewhere right now just to cool off because I am honestly livid at the moment. I have no money for fags because someone has taken my £5 and that is just what I need right now, I want my headphones on, whilst the world fucks off and i can relax for 5 minutes.

I hope Bristol comes fast cause I really don't want to be stuck here much longer if I'm honest. I'm always in the wrong, or doing something I shouldn't be and I'm so sick and tired of it. Everything is my fault and I'm put under so much pressure, no wonder I burst from time to time.

This blog is so miserable :| but a blog is for your feelings right? so I may as well post them.

" broken wings have a home tonight,

no one is listening."

I just hope that something happens soon to change things and move them away for the direction they're headed in cause I really don't like feeling like this. To make matters better, I'm back to 6th year tomorrow, I just can't be bothered right now.

- XO -

weekends are for the warriors

So the dates have been set for me going down to Bristol this summer and I'm far too excited about going again! I'm going see everyone down there again. I'm going for sixteen days and I'm completely over the moon about it. This is a photo of last summer when I went down and it was taken at my friend's 17th. This year I'm back down for her 18th and I can't wait! I'm arriving on the day of it so I'm proper excited. I'm going to arrange lots of things before I go down becuase my friend that I'm staying with is going to take time of work and they'll hopefully be driving by then so we're going to go on day trips to places and it'll be awesome. Whenever I go there it just gives me a break from my regular life up here and it feels as though I'm a completely different person down there. I really don't think people understand just how much I love the city. So many photo's are going to be taken just like they were last time!

I definitely have to meet some new people as well whilst I'm down there so keep July free cause that's when I'm down if you fancy doing anything :D. I love travelling and I love the plane down there, even if it is only an hour long, I just stick in my headphones and look out the window it's amazing. I love flying. I used to be so scared of it when I was younger, I hated take-off and landing, but it's a thrill now, it's just spectacular.

I haven't told anyone about this blog yet and I'm not sure whether I want to or whether I want to keep it quiet for a bit. Oh well, only time will tell.

I'm going to watch Aladdin so I guess that's what's on the agenda tonight when my dad goes to bed and a little bit of One Tree Hill before hand. I just got season 2 back from my friend so I'm re-watching all of it and I forgot how different the old seasons were compared to the new ones. I'm totally thrilled that they have signed the contract to film and 18 episode long season 7. It's my favourite show, love it.

Anyway I've covered too many topics in one post haha, so I'll end it here and go get some food!

- XO -

wash away my sanity

I was just reading a friend's blog and it made me regret a lot of things that happened last year, a lot of them triggered by the one thing that I did. I am not at all proud of things that happened last year and it has severely affected the way my life is now. I wish me and a few people were closer and a I wish I had a lot more people in my life that were the same way inclined (online) as me. That way there would be so many more oppertunities for me to go places and meet people. I am honestly annoyed at a few people for completely stupid reasons that I have thought up in my head. "Why can't she be more like me?" "Why does he always achieve things?" "Where does all of that come from in them?" To be honest I'm just annoyed at people because of what I lack in myself and I honestly have no idea of how to gain any of it. I don't want to be this selfish and timid person anymore because I see what other people have got because they have amazing confidance and people skills that I lack. I feel lonely for reasons I can not put into words. To be honest I doubt any of this made sense. It's time for a change.

- XO -

sweet sedation

It's not like I need another one of these blog sites, I already have too many, and last night I got a twitter but I thought what the hell. Gordon had an account on a site that I never and me being the child that I am now needed this to feel equal. how sad.

I never keep these things up but I may as well give it a go and see how long this one lasts. My guess is less than a month.

I've done absolutely nothing today, just sit about and be lazy. I'm guessing I'll meet up with someone tonight to do something cause I'm going insane and I've only been awake for about four hours, but I did go to bed at 7:30am this morning so whatever. I really want something exciting to happen.

Tomorrow is the last day of the holidays and I really don't want them to end.
Then again, who really does?

- XO -